TALAN ASHBY DESOTO

[TALAN ASHBY DESOTO]

talan ashby desoto
IS MAKING ENTRY INTO ENDLESS MYTH



twenty-eight; human; pirate captain;
rebellious; sarcastic; flirt; unreliable;

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I was born to at sea on the way to Rivadier, to a peasant mother and a father who traveled the world looking for the most exquisite animal hides. As you can imagine he did not find many around the time of my birth as he and my mother were sea sick, given very poor attention and were obviously consider of the peasant status. In any case, I somehow made it there alive (probably because my parents are two of the most stubborn human beings you will ever come across on this planet) and grew up in the ugliest part of the human kingdom that you can imagine. And it wasn’t like I ever got out much with my father constantly gone and traveling since my mother always had something for me to do just so that we would have food on the table that night. She was fiercely supportive of my father, goodness knows why, but she was. Whenever he came back he would leave us to selling the hides or momma would transform them into something wearable or usable. She found use for mother things almost all of the time and usually made me doing annoying little tasks like gutting things in the backdrop. There were plenty of times I felt like I was growing a garden of hair on my tongue… disgusting.

When I reached about the age of thirteen or fourteen my father decided to bestow upon me a hunting knife and then very heartily asked me to come along with him on a hunt to trap animals. I very politely declined. This ended up in me being removed from our home by force. Like I said, I have very stubborn parents and they strongly believed that I wouldn’t like it until I tried it. But I simply did not see the glory in capturing animals and then tearing their skin off. Yes, very nice and fancy some of them, but it wasn’t for me. Still, I did catch my fair share of squirrels and other rodents before calling it quits. Somehow he still wasn’t too happy about that. And despite my parents being ever so supportive of one another and their dreams to make it big through this fur trapping business, they simply could not make the time to support my dreams. Whatever they were I haven’t a clue but I was pretty sure I had some kind of dream. Ah yes, simple freedom. That was my dream. And, like my parents, I was a very stubborn individual, bent on the idea that I could make my dream come true. But, unlike them, I would be successful.

I wanted to follow no man’s law and take chances against the will of the gods and goddesses. I wanted to explore every inch of this land and find creatures my father would only dream of wearing. I quickly found there was only one way to make this dream come true. I ran away when I was sixteen and I remember it all very clearly. My parents still kept me by a ball and chain (figuratively speaking, of course) and saw me day and night. So in the wee hours as they slept, I snuck from their home and out into the open. I wanted to make my escape graceful and stealthy. It would be proof that I could do it all! But when you have a night watchman yelling down at you from a tower it’s not really… stealthy. Instead of answering and saying whether I was an intruder or not I simply ran. I ran for everything I dreamed of.

In any case, I don’t much feel like carrying on about… my past and such. To make it simple, I was stowed away on a ship and was actually kidnapped by a bunch of foul smelling pirates. They were absolutely gorgeous. Not literally but in the way they lived their lives. They lived free and careless and traveled the world. It was everything I dreamed. I was kind of abused being something of their slave and all… but on the bright side I eventually got old and spiteful enough to try and kill the captain and then walk the plank. You may be thinking how that’s a bright side… well, I’ll tell you. After I walked that plank with my hands chained to one another behind my back… I miraculously lived through the ordeal. Well, perhaps not but that tale is for me to know and you to never ever find out. Needless to say I made it out alive and now I have my own crew of worthless, smelly bastards. It’s wonderful times, really. So now you can find me on The Dirty Cannon where my men refuse to poke fun at the name because the other option was Elejen’s Wench and that just didn’t make me feel all too free.

Cheers, and perhaps we’ll meet on the sea.

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mathias lauridsen; hay